Selectively Juggling

Everything. I remember almost everything, the tone of voice, tilt of head, background sounds and lighting. I remember whether I want to or not. I guess memory is a protective mechanism, after all if we had been bitten by a deadly snake or spider, we need to remember that they are dangerous and will cause us harm. So we need to remember that someone’s actions and behaviours tell us who they are and what they think. Their words are just dressing.

So yeah learn to forgive as it effectively helps free you from the toxic bind or cord, but don’t believe that we are meant to forget. That just makes no emotional sense. We wouldn’t counsel a victim and tell them to forgive an abuser, or perpetrator – but then tell them to forget. I’m not talking about keeping the memories alive by feeding them pain and fear. I’m talking about letting go of this belief that we actually need to forgive and forget. The truth is that somethings are merely too big, too monumental, too significant, too important to forgive and forget.

Our memories are important, and even if our minds may forgive and forget, the emotions, trauma, and memories are etched into the nervous system and body.

Choosing not to forget can be a healthy sign of radical self empathy and compassion. When many people choose to not forget we can start to right the wrongs of some pretty toxic social norms, especially when certain social groups are impacted over others.

By all means forgive, but my word of caution is don’t be too naive or quick to forget.