Selectively Juggling

Yes and no! Genuine friendships are usually based upon mutual understanding, respect, shared experiences and interests. Friends definitely don’t need to be carbon copies of each other, in fact friends can be like chalk and cheese, meaning you could have an outgoing highly energised extrovert being extremely good friends with a quieter introvert. What matters is effective communication, mutual respect of the individual and boundaries. There should be kindness, compassion and a lack of needy, demanding expectations.

Last weekend I drove 4 hours to see my friend who now lives in a small regional country town (2300 people) I last saw her 5 months ago when she surprised me at my mother’s funeral. I had no idea that she was coming, or that she was making a 7-8hour round trip. I was extremely moved by her loving gesture. This weekend when I saw her, it was like we were nineteen all over again, we hugged each other, as each imbuing the other with healing energy. We laughed as we recounted memories, we teared over as we shared food. The energy was high, and the conversation flowed like a river in flood. We conspired, dreamed and dissected each other’s lives. The good and not so good, the joyful and not so joyful moments.

Everything we did was like when we were younger, yet what had changed was our perspectives, and our understanding of self, compassion and kindness. There was no competition, no ego or desire for oneupmanship. It was two souls experiencing the gift of belonging, of friendship. The realisation and safety net of another person outside of family and partner who intuitively and implicitly knew me. Who knew how to read my silence, my laughter, and my face.

A true friend is like having a liminal space where I can relax, be myself and simply be a richer more vibrant version of myself. I can unmask, geek out and feel comfortable, safe and cherished. Likewise I provide the same safe space for my friend. I need or prefer them to be completely comfortable in being their true self, unmasked, kaleidoscopic self. I prefer honest ugly, to fake pretty. I prefer the gift of realness, genuine vulnerability and compassion, as that is what I hope to reflect back.

A good friendship is like having another room in your life, or a wrap around veranda where you can sit, laugh, cry, observe, imagine and simply vibe. A true friendship offers a slice of home, of belonging and connection. They can challenge and expand your self of self, hopefully making you a better version of yourself. That is without judgment and an overriding sense of obligation or expectation. It’s wonderful when both of our inner child is free to explore, lead, challenge and make a mess. There is considerable healing in childlike wonder, awe and silliness. Especially when everyday life is filled with the expectation of being the consummate professional, balanced with being a highly successful and capable special needs parent. Good friendships add balance to a life that can sometimes feel heavily skewed towards expectations and seriousness. Likewise as a child or teen friendships provided that safe space, away from the stresses or traumatic realities of home life.

A true friend really is a priceless gift, as is the opportunity to be a genuine friend.