Selectively Juggling

What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

That’s a pretty tough order, trying to whittle things down to just one thing. Ok, after two minutes of exhaustive soul searching, and reviewing my memory banks, I’ve decided that one is not enough. Being the rebel that I am, you’re going to get eleven for the price of one. Just remember these eleven responses reflect where I am and how I feel today, if you’d asked me six months ago my response may have been very different.

One – so many of us are raised to be caring, considerate and conscientious compassionate creatures- well I say DO NOT forget SELF compassion and RADICAL self empathy. It’s impossible to keep giving if your emotional reserves are depleted. Self care is ESSENTIAL!

Two- BE KIND- which is not the same thing as being nice. Being Kind is a deliberate, thoughtful, ethical and once again compassionate way to live. It involves not being afraid to be honest with self and others. Being kind can be hard, especially in a world that has an insatiable appetite for the superficial and instantaneous gratification. The kinder I become, the much less likely I am to accept other people’s insincerity and crap. Being kind takes courage and understanding of boundaries and not being fearful of enforcing them. Look kindness up, it’s been severely underrated and misunderstood.

Three- All that’s required to traverse this thing called life – is – to try and make one good, decent choice and decision after the next. If you stuff up and make a poor choice, don’t beat yourself up, but breathe, re-centre and realise all you need to do is start again. Take the fatalistic, grandiosity out of life’s journey and simply accept the enormous power of each and every moment. In a single moment you can decide to choose how you wish to live. If you make a misstep, well that’s okay. You’ve never lived this life before and just like everyone else your learning as you go. life is just a series of one step after another.

Four- Befriend and honour your inner child. They deserve your adult self’s respect and awe. Your inner child allowed you to survive and grow into the adult you became. Celebrate your achievements- embrace your unique story and quirks. It’ll be hard growing up in such a large family, exposed to significant losses and trauma- poverty and adversity. Yet through it all your inner child will hone her keel and sharpen her rudder – finding her way through the swirling waters. Reward her.

Five- Learn to say NO! You don’t have to be the peacemaker, or the quiet and well behaved girl who accepted everyone’s self entitled behaviour. Roar, enforce boundaries- don’t accept siblings behaviours – the gaslighting and manipulation. Be your own advocate and heroine – as no one is coming to rescue you. Not to mention you’re more than capable. So be brave and cast a longer shadow – don’t bark, but learn to perfect your bite.

Six- use critical thought – question – challenge and push. Don’t simply accept so-called truths. Likewise don’t be afraid to feed your insatiable appetite for information and knowledge. Never stop learning about life, self, others and everything of interest. Ask questions and observe other people’s actions. Their words may say one thing but it is always their actions that belie the truth. Stay alert and not lazy in your observations – people’s actions will always tell you who they really are. As will yours. So choose wisely.

Seven- Find the joy – the passion – the wonder. Embrace them fully. it will be your life source – your fuel and energy.

Eight- It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone else does, give yourself permission to drop the mask of perfectionism and performative dance. Just be YOU. you are more than enough!

Nine- Allow nature to heal you. Allow nature to show you patience, joy, belonging, kindness, compassion, beauty, resilience and life. Nature is powerfully equipped to soothe your tired body, mind and soul. Nature rejuvenates and inspires. See your place within the natural order of life.

Ten- You are beautiful. Don’t let other people snuff out your shine , your sparkle or glow. Don’t be afraid of your reflection- see beyond and peer deeply into your soul- remembering to Cherish her, love her and nurture her – she’s going to need it. which brings me to number ten – understand and embrace your quirky side – meta cognition and healthy compartmentalism are your friends. Learn about them. Understand about life’s liminal spaces. They are protective.

Finally number eleven- trust yourself and your intuition. At first she’ll whisper gently, however if ignored she’ll power through like a steam train. She’s never let you down before. In fact she’s protected you, and others since the day she took her first breath.

Ok – as a bonus offer, here’s a freebie for you.

Find the balance, the pivot, the tipping scale – embrace who you are and know that it’s okay to be you. It’s okay to derive a sense of freedom, by understanding your parameters and boundaries. It’s okay to challenge and question the status quo. It’s okay to make mistakes and its most definitely ok to dip below into your world of imagination and imagery. It’s okay to press pause when life feels overwhelming- it’s okay to get swept up in the joy and wonder of life, music, nature, art and dance. It’s okay to simply be you – because girl – that’s what life is about. So be brave, be authentic and be you. And learn to breathe.