I may come across as open, willing to share, or divulge some of my deepest and darkest, or rawest and most sensitive stories, moments and or reflections. Yet, the truth is my childhood prepared me to become like a vault – in which my truest, most special and sacred thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories are kept locked away from prying eyes and idle tongues. I learned to fly under the radar, share as much as I needed in somewhat of a transactional- reciprocal process. Perhaps, I’ve managed to do this, and people still consider me to be open, honest and deep, simply because I am a deep thinker. My thoughts, emotions, memories and reflections run deep, and always have. I could lose myself to the world or esoteric thought, delving deep into the philosophies of life, and of human experience.
I work within the world of counselling, or therapies where words, stories, recollections, reflections, and glimpses into the deep matter. I inhabit a world where I need my clients to be open, vulnerable and brave – and in return I project a reflection of what they need back at them. However, I am a fiercely private person, and my thoughts and musings are deeply guarded. They are precious and hold power, or importance to, and for me. They are not merely words, but are the embodiment of my energy, soul, purpose, sense of being, spirit, core, humanity etc.
So people feel that I am open. Although this is true in some part, I am not an open book, I have many sealed sections, that are privately guarded. I’ve long learned my lesson of allowing an ‘all access’ pass to people, who I have trusted. Only, to learn the hard way, that not all people are kind. Not all people can be trusted, and not all people are respectful of others. So, in return I practice self-compassion and self-care, and only grant access to those who are loving, compassionate, gentle and caring. I keep myself to myself – and as such I am respectful of other people’s privacy. I am mindful that there are many like myself – who perhaps only spoon feed others what they need to know – no more, no less.
Selectively Juggling 
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