Selectively Juggling

What is a grudge? Who is to say what is actually a ‘grudge’ and what is actually someone’s realisation that they seriously need to install healthy boundaries in their life? A ‘grudge’ is petty, toxic and serves no one, especially not the person holding onto the grudge. Letting go and cutting that toxic cord is freeing. Releasing the tightly coiled fingers of resentment and grudge holding from around your mind and heart is liberating.

I don’t hold grudges per se, however I have a pretty good memory- remembering the moment as if capturing a video or a photo, then filling that within my mind, where I can easily recall events. I learned that healthy boundaries are essential to my own emotional and physical health. I also learned that one cannot hold a grudge and have healthy boundaries at the same time. Grudges merely extend the shelf-life and potency of that initial toxin, trauma or sadness. Grudges aren’t worth giving up my sense of peace for. However, I believe we have memories and memory recall for a reason. We are meant to remember things, know when something or someone is a threat, is dangerous. So, acting on that memory, experience and knowledge is important. We shouldn’t forget that an abuser abused us, an attacker attacked us, or a narcissist made life hell. We shouldn’t trust them again, ever. We shouldn’t give our power away, exposing ourselves to that treatment again. It is not holding a grudge, it’s about learning to say ‘no’, embracing self-compassion and creating healthy boundaries.

After all, we show love and compassion to others – should we not do the same for ourselves. Severing toxic chains that bind us to others who’ve treated us wrong, isn’t about grudge holding. It is about letting go and healing. Why should we drag around the heavy weight of grudges, when self-realisation and healthy boundaries can free us?