Selectively Juggling

First things first, I finish 8 hours of work and then get my 18 year old daughter from her disability provider, where she’s doing a School Leavers Training and Education services for people with disabilities. She adores it, and has some pretty fantastic days.. The 20 minute car trip home is punctuated with a rhythmic flow of my daughter’s incessant chatting, and pockets of quiet. I’ve learned to enjoy those moments of quiet togetherness- we drive in short silence while listening to music. I delight in her incessant excitement, of her external processing. It offers a glimpse into her mind, her world, and her joy. I’ll often stop and do a grocery shop, but that can sometimes be like an exercise in self-inflicted torture.

After reversing into my driveway I like to sit for a minute, especially if there is a great song playing. After reaching for my handbag, computer bag, shopping bags I inch my way to the front door – precariously balancing my door key in my over-burdened hand. Sometimes I drop the key and find myself balancing everything to bend down and pick it up. Who doesn’t love some random yoga and weight based exercise?

Home – yes! Bags down and groceries packed away. My daughter scurries away into her personal kingdom, her inner sanctum – her bedroom.

A flurry of activity ensues, as I cook dinner and field a plethora of questions from my daughter, as she emerges from her space. Hubby usually gets homes as dinner is being plated up. The obligatory exchange of “how was your day?” follows. A few more chores and responsibilities done and dusted, and then it’s my time to sit down. I mean really sit down and become one with the couch/sofa/lounge, as my hand instinctively dances over the Apple TV remote. In some kinda trance I skip through all the streaming platforms. It’s like a habit, often with the same outcome. I usually settle on some random world movie with subtitles. I dissolve further into the lounge and tv. Yes, a little bit of escapist dissociation- perhaps. In doing so, I distance myself from the stresses of work and family, albeit only momentarily. However this “me time” is threaded together in a type of patchwork pattern, of moments engaged in meaningful conversation with my family. The remote’s pause gets a real workout. My space has one main rule, and that is no big overhead lighting. I can’t relax with the big light on.

My ideal day would include some swimming, music, joking with the family as we talk as I cook. It’s about enjoying a green tea, and quiet time. It would also include some creative downtime to process and mentally prepare for the next day.