Selectively Juggling

Personally I experience feelings, thoughts and sensations of nostalgia whenever one or more of my senses are triggered with a memory provoking stimuli . For example music is a huge trigger for me, it acts like an immediate teleportation or time travel machine. I can be fully engaged in the moment and enjoying listening to music, and voilà I’m transported on a nostalgic journey to the time I first heard, sang, danced or obsessed over that song. My memory is similar to a large computer vault or filing system, where I can take that moment and replay it, feel it, see it and enjoy it. I can see myself in that moment, remembering the emotion, sensations and expressions on the faces of those who shared that moment with me.

Likewise smells and tastes can elicit a strong sense of nostalgia. When I’m missing my Dad, I will bake bread using caraway and cumin seeds, as the smell and taste reminds me of his physical presence and his love of seeded breads. I make some beautiful gluten free loaves, which are more a labour of love, an expression of love, loss, reliving or reminiscing about the past. However in a positive and creative way, I somehow learn to bridge the space between yesteryear and now. Feelings of nostalgia act as a healthy impetus to improve my now. It’s interesting to know there’s a continuum, a connection between the past and now, and that moments and experiences from the past can still influence my present thoughts and actions. Hence the reason to ensure that I balance feelings of nostalgia, using it more as an invaluable treasure trove than a monument to unmet need, potential or sadness. For example I’ve learned to gently and lovingly remember and honour my dad, not to lose myself in feelings of grief and loss. I’ve learned to frame those memories with gratitude, not allow the sadness to bleed out into my present. Perhaps being able to compartmentalise helps.

I am also affected by the sounds and sensations of warm summer breezes, the way they caress the bare skin. These sounds and sensations leave me smiling, again reminiscing about childhood moments spent swimming with my parents and siblings. The memories of warm sand, warm evenings and the accidental crunch of sand between my teeth. Remembering special moments of frustrations and laughter as our picnic foods were peppered with sand. Perhaps not so enjoyable in the moment, but when viewed through the eyes of a nostalgic adult, are priceless and precious moments.

To me nostalgia is joyful, thoughtful and considered. It allows me to reopen the shutters to aspects of myself, my childhood, my relationships and experiences. It’s focused vision, as opposed to formless wallowing. it’s like being aware how the smell of a summer thunderstorm can evoke memories of childhood, but through the adult lens of nostalgia I feel and remember the childlike excitement, energy and awe. Nostalgia allows a vehicle through which we can review, edit, re-edit and appreciate our childhood experiences and past in a way that can impact our present. What a gift!