I have felt different my entire life. I was born the 8th child of 10 kids. I was shy and reserved and viewed life from a different lens than that of my siblings. I have always been a deep thinker, happily traversing the depths of esoteric thought. I was both cerebral and visceral. I was the only one of my siblings to finish high school and attend university. That’s unbelievable, right? What was it about me that allowed me to push through the quagmire and complete school? Attain a degree? I still experienced the same early childhood traumas, still experienced growing up in poverty, and at times, dysfunction. Yet, I always knew I was worthy and had merit and purpose, regardless of what society may have been telling me at the time. Granted, sometimes that sense of purpose or direction has been less translucent and more opaque, but still, I have never lost my way through the myriad of storms life has thrown my way.
I think I finally had some of those questions answered when I took my eldest son to an educational psychologist at ages 5 and 8 (my husband’s family have a history of dyslexia). Anyway, after psychometric testing, it was determined that my sweet little 5-year-old had the mind/comprehension of a 17-year-old. He was highly gifted and perceived the world through a different lens. It was the same for my other son, Samuel. I have seen how they interact with the world and are moved by societal and political events. I have seen myself reflected in them, their ability to question social expectations and injustices. They have struggled to make friends due to how they perceive the world. I have seen them find their tribes and connect with others who are more cerebral and esoteric. I have seen their lights switch on and shine brighter when surrounded by others who can challenge and extend them.
As a parent watching my kids in the early years of primary school, I felt different. I was different; my kids were different. The way we viewed and interacted with life was different.
Not better, not worse, just different. And it was a real challenge, both directly and vicariously. Yet, like all of life’s challenges, I have learnt to accept and develop, change and adapt. Resilience is a wonderful life skill that can help you traverse the deepest oceans and tallest mountains. Perhaps those challenges were necessary to help me grow into the person I become, so when my daughter was born with a rare genetic disorder and disability, I had the capacity and tenacity to be the best mum I could, given the circumstances. Yes, i am different. Not because i want to see myself as such but because my mind, brain, spirit and soul are different. Like all of us. Neurodiversity is a gift that I am finally starting to unwrap and appreciate.
Selectively Juggling 
Leave a comment