Selectively Juggling

I’ve finally managed to embody a genuinely deep and unwavering ‘Attitude of Gratitude’. How does this manifest itself? Through feelings of pure joy. Priceless moments where I get to connect with nature, witnessing its beauty, vulnerability and intensity. For example, I’ve just come inside from outdoors after delighting in watching the bees as they frantically went about their business. I admired the unfurling beauty of delicately robust flowers as they basked in the late winter sunshine. In those raw and unfiltered moments, I felt a deep sense of gratitude course through my body. I acknowledged the privilege of owning my own home and beautiful gardens. I felt pride and joy knowing that I had worked hard to create a magical garden, watching it come to fruition over the last few years. I remembered my dad, who passed away 5 years ago, and how his love of gardening inspired me. I felt gratitude for the hours I had spent on my hands and knees digging in the soil, planting, weeding and creating a place for myself, my family and the birds and bees. Those hours had been cathartic and healing, especially as many were spent grieving my loss.

I had been grateful that the bees were so comfortable in my space, inches away from my face, and that I had overcome my fear of them. I felt a deep sense of joy awash with love as I gazed upon the denuded peach tree’s branches, now starting to bloom back into life, budding leaves and pink flowers.

With the sense of gratitude comes feelings of patience and love. While still outside in the garden, I gently and patiently peeled back the thin film of the wild spring onion flower, knowing that soon the bees would go nuts for its sweet nectar. Gratitude is an incredible mix of love, joy, peace, compassion, vulnerability, sensitivity and awareness. It is the equivalent of a kaleidoscopic coloured lens through which I see the world. It adds nuances of meaning, texture and appreciation. I know what it is to feel loss, despair, trauma, heartache and much more. I know that those moments, those experiences have helped shape who I am. They’ve added depth and context to my colour palette; that is how I experience, feel, and process life. My deep sense of gratitude is founded on compassion and empathy for myself and others.