Multifaceted, highly nuanced simplicity. A contradiction in terms.

Daily writing prompt

How would you describe yourself to someone?

How would I describe myself to others? First, it depends on who I’m trying to convey ‘who or what I am’ to. My definition, words, and energy change depending on my target audience; we know not all people hear or perceive the same way. To those who get the deeply nuanced esoteric musings, I feel free to express myself less in tangible descriptive words and meaning and more in terms of metaphor, simile and energy. There would be no use of the superficial ‘long blonde hair and green eyes’ but rather more of what is at my very core, my inner essence. Describing myself as a ‘pragmatic dreamer’ and ‘story weaver’. I am the multifaceted mix of my inner child-warrior, tenacious free-spirited and intensely intelligent teen, a naive young woman and, at times, a disillusioned adult. I am a kaleidoscope of colour and texture, depth and meaning. I am like a Persian rug beautifully handwoven, yet some of life’s wear and tear has left it somewhat threadbare in places. Such experiences add exciting texture, layers, and nuanced meaning instead of negating its beauty. I am like a tree, grounded, connected, strong, vulnerable, spirited, tethered, yet untethered. I am like the ocean, with bottomless depths and sandy shallows, wild, calm, and emotion-filled. Yet how could I convey this to others who don’t get the emotion, meaning, and context? I can’t. Hence my need to speak it another way, to convey the same but with more pragmatic, everyday language and meaning.

Yes, at my core, I am a pragmatic dreamer. I am skilled in the art of compartmentalisation. A necessary skill picked up from my journey through childhood. I am fiercely loyal to both myself and those deserving of my loyalty. I am a lioness; I would protect my children and those i love with incredible passion and prowess. I am guided by an innate internal moral compass that has been my constant companion since birth. It pares well with my heightened sense of intuition. A sense that has served me well, keeping me safe and from harm’s way time and time again.

I derive a deep sense of joy and connection from being immersed in nature. As a confident introvert or ambivert, I seek time out in nature, to ground, to reconnect and recharge my emotional and physical batteries. This enables me to give 100% of myself to my work, connecting with others and clients. It enables me to be completely present as they share their inner worlds and emotional journeys. I need time to reflect, ‘be’, ground, and absorb nature’s abundant energy and beauty. My senses shift from being assaulted by the artificial fluorescence (busy paced and loud working environment) to being enveloped by the natural, gentle, and life-giving energy and sounds of birdsong, breeze, and sunlight.

I am a wanderlust traveller, avid gardener, and lover of music. I love to cook, to create, to write. I am a passionate photographer whose first language is visual images. Hence my camera is my brush, my pen and my paper. My goals and dreams are to work full-time as a writer and photographer. However, I don’t have complete belief in my ability. I am both fearful of failure and of success. Hence you may see me lurking in the depths of my own shadows. Never fully realising my true potential, yet desperate to get others to shine in theirs. I am strong and tenacious, yet I carry within my essence the fine lines of past traumas. I am a comedian, politically active and deeply moved by issues of social injustice. I am vulnerable and sensitive, yet I am the personification of resilience. I can be hilariously funny when comfortably in my element, surrounded by like-minded individuals, yet socially awkward when swimming in a sea of social superficiality. I don’t do fake, and I definitely baulk at game playing. I’ve worked too hard to heal the hurt caused by narcissistic loved ones to allow myself to be swept up in others’ mind games. I don’t suffer fools, and I love and respect genuine authenticity. I ask a million and one questions and have a voracious appetite to know ‘why’ things, people, and life is as it is.

I was the first in my family to finish high school (Im the 8th child of 10 kids) and the first to go on to university. I have always been different to my siblings, driven and led by my inner moral compass, which sometimes caused me grief. Although I live in a world of kaleidoscopic meaning and texture, some things remain black and white, and my inner moral compassion/intuition is pure ebony and ivory. This matters to me, as it all circles back to self-respect, self-love, self-compassion and loyalty. I realised that I was the only common denominator in my life and that if i needed or wanted something, I had to count on myself. I had to work for it, aim for it, achieve it. Regardless of what others did or said. I had to learn to harness my inner agency and my inner power.

So how would I describe myself? I am a contradiction in terms, a pragmatic dreamer, a serious comedian, both grounded and untethered. I am like embers that have been slowly simmering, yet know they have an incredible burning flame within. They must believe in their innate ability to burn bright, allowing themselves and others to see their beauty, purpose and brilliance.