Selectively Juggling

Do you ever have moments of pure reflective thought? You know those light bulb moments where you could easily imagine a lightbulb emoji atop your head flashing for all to see. There are certain places and activities which help elicit a deeper type of thought process. Two of mine happen to be while I’m in the shower and whilst driving.

Today I was deep in thought; ‘Who am I? What does introversion look like to me? And other types of esoteric random musings and reflections. While waiting for the traffic lights to change from red to green, I was greeted with the sight of pelicans flying high. Their unmistakable form outlined against a deep azure blue sky. The brilliant morning winter sun (it’s winter here in the Southern Hemisphere) added beautiful illumination and a sense of ethereal beauty. It only lasted a split second as the lights were about to change. Seeing the birds allowed me to reflect upon myself, life, work, and relationships. As they symbolised personal space, freedom, sovereignty, connection and autonomy.

I realised I thrive whilst working with a high degree of autonomy. All I need is to know my professional parameters and boundaries. I am free to explore, challenge, create and achieve. I don’t respond to being confined within the tight constraints of a birdcage. I don’t work well with micro-management or a lack of self-autonomy. It’s the metaphorical equivalent of having my wings clipped. All I need to know is where my nest is and how big the sky is, and leave me to create and deliver what Im paid to do. Or put another way, I need to know the outer perimeters of the ‘sandbox’, and it’s up to me to explore every grain of sand, every space in between, and any other ‘whatever’ that occupies the same space. Freedom comes from knowing your boundaries and just how far you can reach. I was like it as a small child; as the 8th child of 10 kids, I longed to fly under the radar and simply get the space to do my own thing. I knew I wanted to be my own person. Yes, I can play well with others and love teamwork. However, at the end of the day, I thrive through exercising my self-autonomy. I thrive from having self-agency.

Reflecting on the lessons learned from the ‘pelicans’ allowed me to reflect on our uniqueness and that life, work, relationships, and ways of being are not a ‘One size fits all model’. I’ve worked with others who’ve struggled with so much autonomy. They’ve struggled to navigate such an ‘untethered’ role, instead tying themselves up in invisible knots and anxiety. They’ve struggled to instinctively navigate without the help of a manager providing constant direction and input.

It all comes down to ‘fit’ personality and learning styles; if I was in a role that best suited my ex-colleagues temperament, I would flounder, feeling suffocated and restricted. I wouldn’t thrive and likely have a very unfulfilled work/life balance. So, each to their own.

One final thought before i finish writing relates to the symbolism of driving, roads, maps and directions. It is fitting that I had the epiphany whilst driving, as it represents not only the literal meaning of ‘journey’ but also a metaphorical meaning. I am the one in the driver’s seat. I decide which route to take and when to stop and rest. I need to keep the car road worthy, in good working order and full of fuel. I choose how to respond to road hazards, mishaps, breakdowns etc. At the end of the day, I hold the steering wheel and set the course. Likewise, so are you, my friend.