Selectively Juggling

I opted to receive WordPress’s daily writing prompts; why? Glad you asked, my friend; I desperately needed the motivation to take my somewhat sporadic and feeble attempts at writing to a productive and positive space. That was the plan; I’ll let you know how it works out in the long run. Anyway, the daily prompt message flashed up on my phone, and given that I was at work, I couldn’t do much more than cast a quick glance at the daily prompt, which read, “What annoys you and why”.

Smiling to myself, I thought, okay, not a bad question, before I stored it safely in the deep recesses of my subconscious mind. I looked forward to finishing work, heading home, and purging myself of the swirling thoughts that had begun to percolate, filtering through as distractions. Finishing work late, I hurried home, albeit via the shops. Who doesn’t like working a full day and then popping into the shops for groceries? Sorry, rhetorical question; most responses would be, “Not me. I hate shopping after work.” I assume they would.

I arrive home somewhat frazzled, partly due to a challenging day at work, needing to do the grocery shopping, and a rather lacklustre sleep the night before. All I wanted, no needed, was to get through the front door, pee, grab a drink and make a snack, and in that order. My husband had worked remotely, so I knew he had been home and able to meet our daughter with special needs school transport, ask her about her day and make her a drink and snack. Well, that was the plan. However, just as I put my key in the door, she flings it open, welcoming me with a huge beaming smile and a barrage of rapid-fire questions “Is that what you wore to work?” “Did you have a good day” “Did you go shopping after work”. “Did you buy sushi?” “what did you do at work?” etc. I listened to her recount her day as i hopped towards the bathroom, saying, “Sweetheart, can you just let me go to the loo first?” The drink and snack would have to wait until I came up for air from the tornado of incessant questions. I admit I was only half-listening as I hadn’t had the space to transition from work, shopping, driving and home. I craved just a little personal space before embarking on meal prep, getting school uniforms ready for the next day, and preparing for a work presentation that I needed to give in the morning. I still wanted to get to my iMac and write about “what annoys me and why?” … I just breathed, knowing full well that parenting and adulting can be hard work, especially factoring in additional support needs and disabilities.

Finally, after the barrage of questions, sated appetites and met emotional needs (theirs, not mine), I quietly and somewhat stealthily crept to my room, closed the door, let out a sigh of relief and sunk down into the pile of cushions, on my bed. I just wanted to write. Okay, perhaps disappear at that moment, teleporting myself to some incredible remote wooden cabin in the Arctic Circle, breathing in the crisp cool air whilst being mesmerised by the incredible natural beauty.

Give it less than a minute, and my daughter opens my bedroom door. “Mum, what are you doing?” I replied honestly.”sweetheart, I need a few minutes just to write and chillax”. She was happy with my response; she gingerly trotted off, only to be replaced by my anxious sports-obsessed teenage son. Armed with his laptop teeming with player statistics and the like. “hey mum, how was your day? I just want to tell you about some really insane players’ stats” Obviously, he needed the time and attention, so I listened to the best of my ability as he shared his screen, telling me about this sports acronym and this acronym, all the while I’m trying to just breathe, and allow calm into my life, and not let the frustrations percolate to the top. Finally, after my son left the room, I said to myself, “Thank goodness, now I can actually get 10 minutes of writing done” Yeah, right, enter stage left, my so-called charming husband who wanted to talk finances, schedules and other delightful topics. You would have thought, “Can I please just get 10 minutes of ME Time to unwind?” and “I just need some space for a few moments!” would suffice; sadly, they did not. He proceeded to rattle or prattle on about his schedule and when he’ll be away for work (like 12 days straight … WTF)

So coming back full circle to the WordPress prompt of “what annoys me, and why?” I would need more ME time to unwind, download and transition from one challenge to the next, especially when I help create and honour that space for others. Not to mention I work within the counselling industry. I need to be able to walk the talk and build and reinforce healthy boundaries to avoid Carer burnout. So, I am annoyed with my inability to always follow through, as well as others’ inability to sometimes read the room and give me the space i desperately need when I actually ask for it. If I am asking for that time and space, it is because I need it desperately, not want it, but need it. Perhaps I may not be as good at selectively juggling as I thought! Well, if you’ve made it here, you at least know I got my 10 minutes of ME time to finish this.