Selectively Juggling

You often hear the saying’ eye of the storm’ or ‘dead calm’, you know when everything feels heavy as if trapped in some form of robotic stagnancy. It’s even worse when you’ve enjoyed a pretty cool ride upon life’s waves up until that point, and somehow you find yourself ‘stuck’ and adrift, needing and wanting to move forward, yet being unable to, as if you are entirely out of sync.  

Cast adrift upon a motionless ocean or metaphorical body of water, that seems to have no sense of urgency or direction, other than just flat, stagnant stifled energy. The usual free form and clarity rich waters somehow feel replaced with the viscosity of honey or heavy clay.

Am I out of sync? Am I meant to feel somewhat of an uneasiness? A disconnect? Perhaps I need to slow down, embrace stillness and simply sit with ‘who I Am’ and ‘where I Am’. Maybe I need to quieten the mind and not lose myself in esoteric thoughts, ideas and machinations.  Mmm… a bit like this blog.

Are we riding the crest of a new gnarly paradigm shift.? Really what does that even mean? Or are we collectively feeling the heady mix of covid 19, the political, social injustices and environmental turmoil?

Or perhaps this ‘uncomfortable space’ is an important layer, where actual growth occurs, much like a seed when it first breaks free of itself. Then again, as it breaks through the soil for the first time. Perhaps feeling adrift, raw and vulnerable is essential to real growth, authentic learning and emotional evolution. Maybe that’s where life is lived… out on the periphery … outside of our comfort zones.

My sister gifted me with a beautiful orchid four years ago, with silky golden and white petals. The flowers eventually wilted and died; however, the thick green foliage continued to grow in earnest. I had watched in hope for the last few years as the new dark green fronds grew. I hoped and watched, waiting for new flowers, yet to no avail. I learned to embrace the beauty of the leaves and not just the petals. Yet, quite remarkably this year, I’ve watched in awe as the signs of new life and new growth made their presence known. It has been a slow process, but it has allowed me to ponder the concepts of personal growth and adaption. The orchid plant is an excellent metaphor for my life, growth, and being. The plant hasn’t blossomed yet, there is much change and growth, but still, it holds the promise of blooming. Perhaps I am like the Orchid, and all I need is the self-compassion and patience to allow what will be to be.

This blog started out about the ‘eye of the storm’, but I soon realised that sometimes it’s more than okay; it’s actually necessary to simply ‘stop and embrace stillness’ and somehow learn to stop assigning negative terms and meanings to it. Perhaps it’s the rhythm of life, the ebbs and flows, the highs and lows. Either way, I can simply choose to struggle against it or indeed embrace it and allow it to reveal new lessons, new understandings and meanings about life, about myself. So, as I finish this blog here, I am left with one word, ‘Patience’… and believe me, I am the least patient person I know. Yet, embrace the patience I must …