Selectively Juggling

She sat alone, dissatisfied and disillusioned. Her body slumped down low in her chair, as if the weight of the world had slowly crushed her, until what remained was an empty shell of the women she’d once been. As she typed, her tears cascaded over her gaunt face, years of emotional self-neglect had taken a physical toll, twisting her once pretty features into an almost skeletal shell. He sharp cheekbones, giving her angular face a hardness, which belied the softness within. She was an enigma.

Did she know how to fight her way out of the dark, escaping the the tenacious clutches of marauding melancholy? Was she trapped in an inner world of turmoil, of self-imposed torture, a constant reminder of unhealed traumas? Would she escape this self imposed prison? or would she simply allow the ravages of trauma and time to continue to swallow her whole? As if trapped behind an invisible window. A window which separated her from feeling life, living life … she was so caught up in her own mind, that she never felt the warmth of the filtered sunlight as it caressed her tired features. She never saw where the sunlight touch her hands. Just has she never saw or knew her true power. Would she ever understand her strengths, her abilities and her purpose?

Only she could answer those questions. Only she could find the power, the choice to raise her vibration, raise her voice. What she did need was a mind map, of how she could slowly withdraw her withering soul and writhing spirit from the encroaching darkness. Only she could open the window, and let the fresh air in. She was both captive and captor. She had been so stuck in her own thoughts, she was unawares that just as she could look out the window, others could see in.

Was there a map, so powerful that it could free her from her own prisons? Yes there was! Instead of towns, cities, and roads, the maps consisted of self-acceptance, self-love and self-compassion. Emotional connections strung together to form a pathway, a network of light, choices, connections and, eventually love. Self-love. Sadly, she had never known, or been taught how to create her own map, her own journey into self-acceptance. She’d been forced to follow an imposed map, of social expectations, social constructions and harsh hate-filled rhetoric.

She’d never been shown how to embrace life in all its glorious messiness, the light and the dark, and the myriad of magical colours in between. She only knew grey, the insipid lacklustre shade of nothingness, of mindlessly being led, in a self-destructive’ need to conform to expectation. She somehow lost herself along the way. She lost the essence of what had made her special, unique and whole. And if she had lost herself, what hope did she have that others would understand her, see her, value her!. It was time for her to find a way to step out from behind her own shadow, stepping out into her own light. She needed to be brave … bold and free. She needed to embrace her inner warrior spirit, and claim the life that was meant to be.